The signs of Christmas are descending upon us, the time of year where I feel totally out of synch with the culture I live in. I haven't been a Christian since my teen years and I have no desire to be roped into the materialistic extravaganza that Christmas has become. Other than sending out "Solstice" cards and attending dinner on Christmas eve at my in-laws' house I deliberately resist. I do tire of the bombardment of music, tv ads, store displays and other symbols urging us to spend, spend, spend. Worse yet are the news items that alert us to the impending doom of our economy if we don't do our patriotic duty and keep merchants afloat and the GNP growing. Or are we the gross national product now? Trading souls for shiny wrapped presents?

I wouldn't even mind if the focus were on the spiritual aspects of Christmas. I don't begrudge anyone their holy day observances, after all. I am happy to hear about other holy days than my own, anytime. I'm just disgusted at the commercial trappings that surround this season, when what I would prefer during winter is a peaceful, contemplative atmosphere.

I can only make my own environment a commercial free zone where peace reigns and shut the noise and frenzy outside.

I continue to have dreams about my son. Each time he has made a decision to speak to me again. I am still puzzled about why I am dreaming such dreams right now, after I had already resigned myself to his never speaking to me again. It's really interesting. I'm not sure what it means, but when I wake up it's like I really have spent time with him. I guess that's a blessing in and of itself.

My birthday is coming soon and I am wondering what I want to do to celebrate. I've been so preoccupied about work that I am only now thinking about it.

Meanwhile I am starting to plan my body image classes and I realize I need to upgrade my wardrobe with a few nice outfits. I normally spend very little on clothes because I am too busy buying books, but I can't do body image classes in blue jeans and a t-shirt now, can I? I also need a good hair cut, as I've been putting that off. My old hairdresser quit to have a baby, and I kept putting off finding a new one. The split ends have taken over and I have to be brave and just try someone and see how it goes.

After the wardrobe upgrade and a new hair style maybe I'll look like I go with my Miata! Actually I think getting the Miata started me off on this self-improvement trend. I basically was telling myself I deserved better...and it's spreading into other areas of my life.

Here's to positive change!