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27 September 2005 @ 06:37 pm
The party's over  
This time each year I become aware that summer is almost over and it won't be long before a time change and much less sunlight is available. Thus begins the slide into seasonal depression, the time of year that turns me into a tv watching slug, devoid of inspiration or incentive. Piles of magazines and old mail begin their steady accumulation until spring finds me nearly buried under the avalanche. I spend my feeble store of energy on my job, trying to keep money rolling in for essentials.

The only good thing I can see about seasonal depression is that my mind slows down enough to be patient with the pace of the more spiritual books in my collection, where every sentence and paragraph possess layers of meaning. In the summer I am too impatient to "get there" wherever "there" is, and my mind flits from one inspiration to another, never lighting for long on one topic. In the winter, my thoughts run slow and deep, and I take comfort in the timeless inspiration of those who came before and asked the same questions we all ask, whether I agree with their answers or not. It is the journey, the questioning, that matters.

Poised on the brink of another winter season of rain and dark skies I brace myself. I need to be forcibly reminded that the way I see myself in winter is as artificially dark as the landscape. I feel weighted down and useless each winter, sure that I am a burden and a curse to those around me. It's all part of depression's siren song of despair.

It takes powerful music to drown out that song.

Aside from good music, and good friends, my other primary resource is the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. I personally believe it's done as much to help me with both major and minor depressions over the years as therapy or medications.

These days winter also brings more migraines--and more severe migraines. I seem to be sensitive to the air pressure difference of winter storms. I'm bracing myself for the double whammy of depression and migraines.

Looking hard for the silver lining...