Last night there was an egg-eating vampire in my bathtub. Why the bathtub? Because I cornered him there with a shotgun at close range. Wouldn't kill him but it'd be damned unpleasant. He complained about being hungry. I certainly wasn't giving up any of my blood, so I asked him what might tide him over. He indicated the eggs in my mini-fridge. I gave him the whole carton and sure enough, he ate them all, just broke the shell and drank the contents like drinking a shot. It was the craziest thing I ever saw. It seemed to have taken the edge off.

Now if only I had a machete or samurai sword. I always say removing the head is the best way. The bathtub would conveniently hold whatever blood was involved. He could see where my thoughts were going and began pleading for his life.

Then the dream shifted to something else entirely. I think I half woke up in between. Suddenly I was in a sunny, dry place beside a river.

I have the strangest dreams.