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27 September 2010 @ 11:39 pm
What Young Women Need To Know About Men  
Warning signs of a potential abuser:

LIST OF WARNING SIGNS HELPS WOMAN RECOGNIZE ABUSER (Dear Abby) Our daughters and granddaughters should all know these signs. Any young women with apparent low self esteem should also be considered for counseling.

Companion post: Open Letter to my Grandsons About Domestic Violence This is especially important for boys who, like my grandsons, have witnessed domestic violence in their own home or anyone who seems to have problems managing anger. I'd also intervene with therapy early on in such a case.

Likewise, if girls seem to have trouble managing anger and act it out physically, they may need anger management training and boys with low self esteem should also be helped to overcome that and recognize the signs of an abuser also.

Basically, relationships shouldn't just "happen," but rather, teens should get some training in how to have a good, healthy one and how to recognize problems. We take them to a zillion other lessons, why not get them some assertiveness and communication skills?
carmy_wcarmy_w on September 28th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
Speaking from self-experience, that's hard to learn. And I really don't know why. I was not in an abusive household growing up; I was picked on a bit at school, but not bullied. And yet, the first boyfriend I had was mad possessive, and wasn't happy till I was crying. I finally broke the engagement 5 weeks prior to the wedding. So why the hell did I stay in that long??? I don't know, but the very next thing I did was get some martial arts training, so I wouldn't feel so vulnerable.
And, I have to say, despite it being very hard on me, the experience really raised my awareness of the warning flags.
I think part of the reason is that girls get told all their lives to look for that Prince Charming.
But P.C. behavior is one of the main flags!
He is soooo nice at first, with flowers and compliments, and being a bit possessive, cause he doesn't want any of those other guys around you. But from there, it goes to telling you how to wear your hair, makeup, and clothes, and instead of not wanting the guys around you, it changes to "you can't be around those guys," and it's your fault if you are around them.
carmy_wcarmy_w on September 28th, 2010 03:18 pm (UTC)
And, since I posted before I had a chance to say so, despite the fact that I say it's hard to learn, and conversely, is hard to teach, it needs to be taught, and spoken about, and mentioned in passing, and written about, and so on.
I feel like this is one of those issues where a parent should talk till the kids roll their eyes and say "All right, already!"
Cause mentioning it once isn't enough. And despite my parents knowing and caring that I was coming home in tears, for some reason, they never came out and said "he shouldn't treat you like that; it's not right."
Or, at least, to my befuddled brain at the time, it didn't register....
So thank you for re-posting this from NLQ, and for your letter to your grandsons, as well!
Tapatitapati on September 30th, 2010 12:54 pm (UTC)
You're welcome.

Yes I think teens need to hear this from many sources, but still their hormones may prevent them from taking it in. Hopefully they will learn during the dating phase and not make their first experience with it a marriage...