January 31, 1997
Dear Mr. Grassi,
I am pleased to inform you that after an exhaustive search, you have been chosen for the position of boyfriend. While you have been operating in that capacity for nearly 4 months now, this is your official confirmation and entitles you to the rights and privileges associated with that position.
While there were other possible candidates, none displayed your remarkable combination of personality traits and desirable attributes. During your probationary period you have distinguished yourself by demonstrating abundant patience, tenderness, intelligence, and extraordinary passion. Additionally, you possess a fine sense of humor and make me laugh at frequent intervals. You are a creative, sensitive and passionate lover--for which you deserve bonus pay--and never fail to leave me feeling incredibly pampered, spoiled, satisfied, and loved.
It is to be hoped that you will continue to find the rewards of your position satisfactory, and that I will be able to retain you on a long-term basis. Additional benefits and regular raises are entirely possible. I am sure that you will earn them.
Should you receive other offers (and I don't doubt that you will) I hope you will give me the opportunity to outbid the competition.
Please submit your official acceptance by return mail.
Tapati A. Sarasvati