Tapati (tapati) wrote,

Chris Brown's Tears

I can't speak for others, but as I watched Chris Brown break into tears on BET's awards show I had flashbacks to how my abuser would cry after beating me and I would end up comforting him.

When I couple that with the growing push for survivors to all "forgive" as if it's a requirement and we're stupid or selfish or hurting ourselves if we don't, I feel that I am supposed to somehow participate in forgiving Chris Brown. Well, forgiveness is not something that needs to come from me. I'm not the one he terrorized that night.

On a practical level, yes I want abusers to "recover" if by recover we mean the same thing as in alcohol or drug treatment--recover from whatever compels this ugly and damaging behavior and learn to be nonviolent.

But I don't think we're required to hold a love fest for them so they can feel like everybody forgives them and reassure them that they are good people. This is work they can do with a therapist and/or a support group, just like anyone else with a troubling compulsive behavior. If batterers don't have programs to help them change, there will just be more battered women in the future. So yes, by all means, "recover." But do so on your own time.

I also had to wonder, why wasn't BET holding this love-fest for Rihanna?

I think BET needs to do some kind of big program to benefit domestic violence survivors and educate the community. Every network ought to do their part, of course, but BET needs to reach out to the survivors who were affected as I was by this show. Let them also address how the misogynist lyrics of rap songs feed into this violence.

And let's not forget Rihanna and what she suffered. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQSeYNhWAak
Tags: abuse, bio, domestic violence, sexism
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