Tapati (tapati) wrote,

Classic line from my old 'hood

Another gem my husband sent me from craigslist, where an annoyed neighbor addresses a local would be dj about his loud (and late) parties and music:

"Thank you so much for sharing your neat stereo system that is on par
with Gabriel's trumpet as a harbinger of doom."

Gabriel's trumpet, of course, is supposed to be heard 'round the world just before the end of the world, giving people a chance to repent and become believers or be damned forever...

I needed a good laugh. Here's the rest:

Dear Hunolt DJ,

Thank you so much for sharing your neat stereo system that is on par
with Gabriel's trumpet as a harbinger of doom. If its the weekend and
it starts up, you can be sure there is gonna be a party full of your
wannabe gangsta friends (2 or 3 of whom are usually black dudes that
exist solely to solidify your legitimate hardcore lifestyle. "You
don't think I'm hardcore?...I got two black friends, so there.") who
get into fights over something as important as the virtue of their
baby momma. Not until the cops are called at 2am do you even consider
calling it a night. Not until your loser friends are fighting and
yelling in the middle of the street do you even consider asking anyone
to leave.

While all of this is going on, you are spinning your flavorful mix of
rap and 80's pop. Once in a while, you throw in a 'What's up, [city name]?!' into the microphone or a poorly attempted rhythmic 'Hup! Hup!'
to the beat that often comes close but never exact.

Now, its summer and you're no doubt throwing off the burdensome
classes of community college to practice incessantly that DJ talent
you so struggle to have. Sorry to be the voice of reality, buddy, but
you are not a talented guy. When you open all the windows in your
house and express yourself creatively via the mix table, what goes
through your head? Do you truly think you are entertaining the world?
That your neighbors are tapping their toes at your cool choice of
eclectic jams? That maybe someone's gonna overhear you and think,
'Wow, that guy's got so much talent! I am gonna hire him!'?
Its not gonna happen, my man.

Also, next time you plan on having one of your linguist parties that
celebrate the words such as 'bitch', 'nigga' and 'mutha', read up on
the noise ordinance laws in this county. You've already been busted
and any consecutive bust will cost you a lot of money. If you can't
afford to pay these fines, can I make a suggestion? Sell that

You might be a really cool guy, I've never met you, but your lack of
concern for everyone on your street makes you such a dick.

Peace out, yo!

Tags: hunolt, music, neighbors

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