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27 July 2005 @ 05:10 pm
will my head just explode...  



...and get it over with?

This week I've been playing with my diet, although to read Paula Kamen's account of the many people she saw for her headaches, it's not about diet, it's a neurological problem that evidence says is linked to other things like depression, bipolar disorder, epilepsy, and others. New tests can show actual differences in the brain, a brain that is over sensitive to things like weather (bingo) and hormones, stress, etc. In fact, nothing helped her chronic daily headache (CDH) which I guess is what I have, too. For years she was in denial about it being, essentially, a disability but she finally had to accept that nothing would help it. And she seems to have tried everything. She says now that she has accepted it she can live with it better and work around it.

Her book is called "All In My Head" and it's on my list to get. I read about it at Salon.

Sometimes as my husband watches me struggle with my headaches and trying to drag myself to work, he tells me I should consider going on disability. Paula herself did so. I have been hoping that I would get a break, as in previous years, and that my headaches would slow down to a tolerable level during the summer. Paula talks about this disorder getting worse over the years, and maybe I have to face that it will lead to losing my job and my livelihood. At this point I have a job at a company I love, with people I enjoy seeing every day, that brings in money that allows me to do things I enjoy doing and to pay off my credit card debt. I know that to exist on a disability income I really can't have any debt left at that time. I feel like I'm in a race...can I pay it down before either headaches or heart disease forces me to quit my job?

(Picture from Lunaea's Tarot, available for sale or online:

http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/limitededition.html )
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious