January 10th, 2012


Remember Elevatorgate?

If you weren't aware of it at the time, there was a huge online war spanning multiple web sites over a woman's assertion that being propositioned in an elevator at 3 a.m. was "creepy" and that guys should stop hitting on all the women at atheist conferences. [Ironically she had earlier given a talk on this subject and this guy knew that. He also heard her say she was tired and headed to her room.] Many men argued that this was oppressive and insulting to assume all men are potential rapists. Women and some male allies pointed out that the guy wasn't called a rapist, just that it is creepy to be vulnerable and alone with a man in an elevator especially at that time of day etc. Guys wanted to uphold the principle that it is absolutely fine for men to ask women out anywhere and everywhere and women shouldn't assume the worst. Much density, defensiveness, and misogyny ensued. I won't rehash it all here.

However, I do offer this as a data point as to why women have to be on guard with any man they don't know when they are alone and vulnerable, and even men we do know.


Sorry, guys, the rapists don't come with a handy R tattoo on their forehead so we know to be on guard or to have a protective friend ride in the ambulance with us to fend off our paramedic who is supposed to be helping us, not raping us.

Lying Liar Pants on Fire

So divorcing guy lied in court. He claimed my friend got angry when their little girl cried as a baby and nastily yelled at her to "shut your cry hole." She gasped, as did others, when he said this. Apparently he realized his lie went too far and backtracked, saying, "Well maybe she was joking."

"Cry hole," however, is a phrase he came up with and would use jokingly in connection with giving the baby a pacifier, something to the effect of "put a binky in her cry hole."

He also claimed my friend never takes their daughter outside to play or in fact play with her at all because "she's always on the internet." He contends that is why she breastfeeds, so she can spend more time on the internet. It doesn't really work that way when the baby is now a toddler, but oh well. Why make your lies plausible? That's too much work.

For the record, of course she plays with her child and takes her for walks and to the park. There are videos to prove it. She may not hike through the woods like someone with "good Vermont values" but she did grow up in the Garden State.

Of course he's no stranger to wasting time on the internet himself.

He'd previously lied about the baby being weaned, obviously he knows she's not because then he turns around and asks for more breast milk when he has her.

He did admit that he took her on the trampoline back when she was 8 weeks old and added there were other children on at the same time. He still defends it as being a fine thing to do and said that she made everyone uncomfortable when she objected to it.

His contentious parents, still bitter over their own divorce, saw fit to attend even though they wouldn't come to weddings or graduations together. Ah, isn't it nice that a family can unite once again over a vindictive court appearance? Heartwarming, really.

There are three judges reviewing all of this and the verdict is to come before the end of the week. May the judges see through his lies and remember his various instances of poor judgment and give my friend legal custody. He would still get reasonable visitation. Even now, with the lies and harassment, my friend doesn't want to cut him off from his daughter.

I keep hoping he'll come to his senses and stop being so nasty, and be more like the seemingly nice guy I used to know. I don't recognize this vindictive, nasty, angry man he's become. I guess that side was always there, somewhere. It's just really sad. The other day he slammed a car door right by his daughter after putting her in the car seat because he was angry at my friend. Did he think for a moment about how that would affect her? I think he believes his child is oblivious to all of this but of course she notices body language, tone of voice, and things like slamming doors. He's so focused on punishing my friend for leaving him and daring to challenge him in court that he no longer sees his little girl.

Turnabout is Fair Play

Dear Metamorphosis (of gaudiya-repercussons), these are for you. I sincerely hope these qualities shined through for the judges in your testimony and your emails.

: being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)
— passive–aggressive noun

A person who tells lies.

Having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge.

[^what do you know, I share this one, LOL]


Affectedly and irritatingly grand, solemn, or self-important: "a pompous ass".

Having or showing an excessive pride in oneself or one's achievements.

a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

[Gotta love how you're this cool devotee with your devotee friends and this defiant heretic on GR.]

The concepts expressed in this post and the decision to post is my own. No one else was involved in or even had knowledge of it in advance.