October 7th, 2009


Guest Blog: I Never Loved A Man

Part 7 of my guest series for No Longer Quivering is entitled I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You). In this installment my mom takes me back to Keokuk but invites the man I've just started to date, Mike, to join us. To my surprise he said yes.

Previous installments can be found under the heading Patriarchy Across Cultures.

I previously wrote a longer version of the time with Mike in Keokuk, which can be found here.

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I am passing on this clipping from Dear Abby:

Dear Abby: In 1996, in memory of a 19-year old woman who was murdered by her boyfriend, you printed an item requested by her family.

It changed my life. On March 29 of the year, my dad said, "I have something for you," and handed me your column.

It contained a list of 15 warning signs of a batterer. It was my wake-up call. At first I thought, "How can this help me?" Well, it did.

No. 1 took me back to the beginning of my relationship with my fiance'. By the time I reached No. 15, I had reviewed the past seven years of my life.

Few realize how important a role verbal abuse and criticism play in an abuser's efforts to gain control and keep you from leaving. The verbal abuse was harder for me deal with than being kicked in the back when I'd walk away from one of his outbursts.

After reading that column, I finally understood there was nothing I could change about myself that would make him love me. Thank you, Abby.
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