Exactly. It took me forever to figure out that the reason I had trouble losing weight was that I was subconsciously terrified of being anorexic again. But I am healthy. Every doctor I've seen in the last five years has said so. I've just got to lose weight to stay that way.

I don't want to end up diabetic like my dad, gods forbid; that's something I worry about. (My dad's mother was bad diabetic and so now is my dad, so I'm predispositioned. My mom, otoh, is diabetic because of her weight; her doctor keeps yelling at her about this, but my mom just doesn't get it (or doesn't want to get it.) My knees were shot from the time I was 15; I know being overweight is only making them worse. I fell and permanently injured my back 11.5 years ago - the doctors told me then that the only way I could help myself feel less pain was to lose weight. :hangs head: And now Thomas' doctor is telling me (and has been telling me) that I've got to lose weight to donate this kidney.

:headdesk:

I'd be tickled pink if I could just see the other side of 200# on the scale again. That would make my day. 180# would make me so ecstatic that you'd be able to hear me yelling "whoohoo!" LOL I've done well so far. I've tossed out all the junk food, except for Preston's potatochips - he'd seriously curl up and die. And I've started watching my portion sizes at meals again. And between meals, I don't just stand in the kitchen jamming food into my mouth. :shakes head:

I'm such an emotional eater! The least little thing, and I'm in there jamming food into my mouth. And later, I'm like, "WHY???" Last Fall, I got really depressed, moreso than I had been in years, and started doing the food-jam to the extreme. I gained back 30# that I'd worked my ass off to lose - effectively doubling my goal.

Why do we knowingly do stuff like this to ourselves??

What doesn't help me is Preston. I'll be going on about how I need to lose weight and how my body feels and how much I absolutely ache -- so he'll sit there and say how much he loves me, and go, "You don't have to lose weight to make me happy. I think you look terrific!" :headwall: Or my knees or hips will be throbbing and I'll be whining about having to go do my two miles, and he'll say, "If you're hurting so bad, then don't go."

I don't understand.

:rends hair:

Lord, look at this tyrade!! I'm so sorry! LOL