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18 March 2006 @ 01:33 pm
spring fever  
I'm very tired today, for the past few days really, and have little appetite. On the bright side I lost a few pounds. Trying to get to a somewhat healthier weight that is easier to find clothes for, not to some "ideal" weight that is fashionable. I know I'm still healing and am trying to focus on really good foods while my appetite is low, at least. I no longer have to wear a binder/sling device to hold my abdomen against the motions of my muscles, so I am making progress on the healing front.

As I heal I become keenly aware that my job search is looming. I so hate this process and I know I'm not alone in that. It brings out all my working class insecurities, feeling like an imposter in the middle class work world. I've learned some of the programs I use on the job and I feel my knowledge of them is spotty. So I hesitate to say I know them. To me the word know implies a depth and breadth I don't have.

I know in April I generally bloom and throw off the last bit of my winter depression, so I am hoping that will aid me in my job search. I'm sure I'll be able to project a more confident personality than I could have in January. It's been good that I've had time to get over some of my angst from my last job.

I've been working on a set of my own prayer flags, an idea adapted from Tibetan Buddhism. Instead of lighting copious amounts of candles for those I wish to help in some way, I decided to make my own prayer flags. The idea is that as they flutter in the breeze one's prayers are carried to God/the gods, whichever you believe in. And they certainly look cheerful as an added bonus. I have some bright colors to make them in and feel good to be using that cloth. I am almost finished making them.

Later today I am escaping my apartment and my husband is taking me for a drive. I am so ready to get out of here! I am normally a homebody but not to this extent! It's a nice, sunny day and everything is blooming, so it should be a nice drive.

Next Tuesday, the two week anniversary of surgery, my daughter is coming over to walk with me. I'm going to use the binder just to be safe and only walk a few blocks to start. If it hurts in any way we'll go back.

I am dying to pot some flowers on my deck, but that will have to wait a bit. I have some big pots and they're too much for me to manuever right now. I definitely have spring fever though, like all the gardeners in my area. Soon, soon...

The vivid dreams are still coming. Last night I went to Mars on a day trip! Imagine the technology it would take to do that! By normal space flight it would take many months, depending on our relative orbits around the sun. It isn't the first time I've visited Mars in my dreams. I grew up on Mars exploration stories and books and can visualize it very well, down to the difference in light. So my subconscious has plenty of Mars images to draw upon. Maybe in my next life I'll pick up my Mars exploration dreams and go to Mars as an astronaut or even a colonist.