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10 January 2006 @ 01:05 pm
how to clean your colon  
Colonics are big business in the wholistic health world. One sees advertisements for them in all the industry-related publications. The theory goes that with our toxic modern diet we have coated our poor colon with layers of toxic waste that robs us of our health--at least that's the short version. Whole tomes have been written on the subject.

Perhaps its my vegetarian diet full of fiber, but my colon was quite easily cleaned at home by the instructions given for colonoscopy prep. How do I know my colon is clean? I have pictures! It's squeaky clean and gleaming, thank you, and all for the cost of some clear liquids and fleet phosphasoda laxative. Why shell out big bucks for some swanky colonic-spa when you too could do your own colon-cleansing in the comfort and privacy of your own home? No coffee enemas required!

How, you might ask? It's quite simple. It requires a two day liquid fast and two doses of Fleet's phosphasoda, 1.5 ounces each.

Here's how:

Advance prep--day before you start go easy on the fiber and have a light dinner.

Day One--drink clear liquids only, such as white grape juice, lemon-lime soda, ginger ale, clear broth, filtered apple juice, popsicles, water, tea, black coffee, etc. There should be no sediment of any kind, only filtered juices.

At 4 pm drink the first 1.5 ounce dose of Fleet's phosphasoda mixed with 4 ounces of juice or soda followed by 4 ounces of something to counteract the salty flavor. Do not do this if you have congestive heart failure! The sodium will cause temporary fluid retention.

In about 30 minutes it will begin to work and continue for the next three hours.

Drink 3 more glasses of water or fluid during this period to keep hydrated.

Continue the liquid fast.

Day Two--2 pm repeat above instructions with second dose of phosphasoda. Continue liquid fast.

Day Three--congratulations! You are the proud owner of a clean colon. Resume eating with a small, easily digested meal. Replenish the supply of good bacteria in your system with yogurt or acidophilus, miso, etc. With the money you saved by not paying for an expensive colonic treat yourself and your significant other to a night on the town.

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to promote the concept of colonics or colon cleansing or to treat any illness. Consult your physician about the safe use of laxatives and the advisibility of cleaning your colon. While I myself do not believe such a procedure is necessary unless you are having a colonoscopy or related procedure, I do use some forms of wholistic medicine in my overall health care. I simply advise that consumers apply the same level of skepticism to wholistic medicine claims that they would any other form of advertising they encounter. Anecdotal evidence is no match for clinical trials.

My test result: not only is my colon clean it was completely healthy, no polyps in sight. I was told I have the colon of a twenty year old. At least my vegetarian diet has done some good for me.

I wonder, if I have the colon of a twenty year old and the arteries of a seventy year old, how old am I really?