So I am out of sorts and have another day of this before my procedure. I feel sure I will devour everything in my refrigerator when I am allowed to eat something besides clear liquids once again. I need to find something less food-centric to read tomorrow. And perhaps I shall finally settle down with the DVD of the film Fierce Grace, about Ram Dass and his recovery from stroke. If there's one thing I fear more than hunger it's anything to do with brain damage. Yet I am at risk for stroke as for heart attack, so by watching this I hope to face down my fear.
Still pondering my options for finding meaningful and gainful employment. Still satisfied with my decision to quit, no matter how scary the idea of a job search may be. One has to purge the old to make way for the new, after all. I'm just rusty at this renewal thing. It's been awhile since I last reinvented myself.
Fear of stroke, fear of death, fear of job interviews: it's the same beast in different guises. I'm far too stubborn to simply give in to his claws and teeth. I've been through this battle before--he looks ferocious but when you face him down you find that he's really just a fangless wimp who rolls over and presents his belly. His only real power is in exploiting your self-doubt.