Often people ask me, especially after reading or hearing stories about my past, how I made it through all of that.

Over the years I have been blessed by various people who helped, as well as good books to help me endure. Many of these were good science fiction or fantasy books. If my outward reality was unpleasant or even dire, I could retreat into a good book. For example, Lord of the Rings got me through being semi-homeless in a laundry room while pregnant.

Other books helped me learn more about emotional health, how to grieve, how to recover from abuse or depression, or simply inspired me.

On my forum for ex-Hare Krishna devotees I compiled a list of those books.

Other forum members added their own titles as well. Lots of good stuff there!

Let me know if any of it was helpful to you.

After reading a lot of comments about George Sodini and the misogyny behind his act, I posted the following at Feministing:

I see a lot of back and forth over whether Sodini was only mentally ill or a misogynist or ???

It's obvious that he was mentally ill and may have had other conditions that exacerbated his social ineptness. But the attitudes about women, men, race, religion, and what he would need in order to gain status with other men (a young, pretty woman by his side) came from society. Mental illness was the fuel and our culture was the vehicle leading him to his final, explosive crash.
( Read more... )

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
-------------------end quote

You can also give a gift of the paperback: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns. Maybe a therapy-phobic person will at least pick up the book and learn something from it.

Here is the html version of his journal: http://georgesodini.com/20090804.htm

In response to the letter to Cary Tennis in Salon, entitled My mother is crazy -- what can I do? I posted the following at Salon:

The Personal is Political

This situation highlights some societal issues that I feel obligated to point out. Other letter writers have addressed many of the practical issues already.

As Salon articles have previously made clear, our society has chosen to err on the side of freedom and independence and make it very hard to get psychiatric help for even obviously, severely mentally ill people. This was a reaction to previous laws that were too lax and enabled abuse by families and professionals. Currently, family members living with a severely mentally ill person can be in real danger but unless they can present proof to a court they may very well not be able to do anything about it.

Our laws need an overhaul. At the very least, someone who has demonstrated obvious symptoms of being out of touch with reality ought to be hospitalized until they are lucid, no longer paranoid, and can make informed decisions about further care. A court review after 30 days (or suitable time) can insure that they are not being railroaded or abused, with follow up monitoring if they are not yet stable. Anyone who cares about this issue can and should write to their representatives at state and federal levels.

I understand that many if not all psych meds have debilitating side effects. (Who wants to drool? Anyone?) We desperately need better meds and/or treatments. I hope in time we will.

Mentally ill parents, especially primary caregivers who are usually mothers, have little or no support if they become unable to provide adequate care for their children. There is also deep shame for them if they admit this! Again, we have failed as a society to address this issue.

My heart goes out to the letter writer and her siblings. I lived with a deeply depressed and suicidal single mom from age 13 to age 16, when I fled home to join the Hare Krishna movement. Locally no foster homes were available for me, only an institution known as the "county home" which was kind of like being sent to juvie without having committed any crime. The temple was a far better option. My extended family actually told me, at age 13, that I should take care of my mother and that if I asked to be placed outside the home I would be responsible if she committed suicide!

It should also be easier for teens with mentally ill or unsuitable parents to be emancipated. Often that is one of the best options for them.

Sometimes, all that may be needed is extra help at home by a team of professionals, including a social worker, housekeeper, or others. That could be more cost effective for counties than providing foster care and might help keep semi-functional families together.

I agree with those who say check in with the brother before taking any action and see what he feels is best for him. Sometimes social service interventions aren't all that much better and could leave him cut off from his social support system. I wouldn't have gotten through my teen years without my friends!

To sjohntucson: please don't beat yourself up. No one issues a guide book for dealing with a crazy parent! The professionals were the ones responsible for over-medicating your mother, if indeed that was the problem. (The deterioration could have been organic in nature and no one's fault.) We are taught to respect doctors' authority. This is yet another problem in our society. We need to start viewing doctors and other health professionals as consultants and question their advice rather than just passively take it in. Please have some compassion for yourself, having been put in such a painfully difficult situation. You may still find healing from this painful past.

In solidarity with all the other children of mentally ill parents (Hi Allie!) (And hey, if the ACAs have books and groups, where's ours?)

Here's a discussion for you! Writing and Depression, a discussion among writers.

Minor Supernatural spoilers from a few weeks ago

A few weeks ago on Supernatural there was a hilarious episode with a life sized Teddy Bear having an existential crisis. I think anyone who has ever had a suicidal thought would howl with laughter at the plight of the depressed teddy bear, wished into a life sized, conscious existence by the little girl who owns him. “Why am I here?” he says, “For tea parties?”

Later in the episode we see him clutching a shot gun, having left a note on a chalkboard: "Life is Meaningless. Signed T. Bear." The camera pans away from the bear and we hear a shot and see a spray of stuffing fly into the air. Near the end of the episode we see the little girl with her normal sized teddy, a bandage over the wound on his head. Awwww.

I so appreciate the sense of humor with which the writers lighten Supernatural, which could be such a dark show no one would want to watch it otherwise. This season they've really outdone themselves, I have to say. If you haven't been following Supernatural, I highly recommend catching up on past seasons.

Vegan Lunchbox post about Depression Cooking.

Accompanying video:

(CNN) -- The works of David Foster Wallace, who committed suicide September 12, are famous for their obsessively observed detail and emotional nuance.

Certain characteristics of his prose -- hypersensitivity and constant rumination, or persistent contemplation -- reflect a pattern of temperament that some psychology researchers say connects mental illness, especially bipolar disorder and depression, with creativity.

There have been more than 20 studies that suggest an increased rate of bipolar and depressive illnesses in highly creative people, says Kay Redfield Jamison, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University and author of the "An Unquiet Mind," a memoir of living with bipolar disorder.

Experts say mental illness does not necessarily cause creativity, nor does creativity necessarily contribute to mental illness, but a certain ruminating personality type may contribute to both mental health issues and art.

"Unquestionably, I think a major link is to the underlying temperaments of both bipolar illness and depression, of reflectiveness and so forth," Jamison said.

Article continues to look at available evidence of the links between creativity and mood disorders and how the manner of thinking influences the ability to write, for example.

I was recently reading the book Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction and pondering these very issues. I wondered whether I would be willing to give up my writing in order to enjoy full mental health, if that were the only way it could be accomplished. I wondered about all the people who were intensely creative but were never able to reach a national audience because the mood disorder so disabled them that they couldn't do the business of marketing their work. I wondered about the people who kill themselves before they ever get published. I wonder if depression wasn't in the way, would my work be even better? Would I be more prolific? Would I have the self confidence to market myself?

And I have to wonder if writing a memoir of a life shot through with depression and including a parent who was also depressive is possible without spiraling so far down I won't get back out again.

Those of us who are both very wounded and very competent sometimes have the gift of appearing well when we are not. --Cary Tennis

Good to know I'm not the only one.

...a letter to Cary Tennis about migraines, that is.

Excerpt:

Dear Cary,

I've held off on writing this letter. I was raised in a household where we don't complain about aches and pains; I am supposed to be stoic and able to cope, but I'm beginning to feel defeated by pain. Eighteen months ago I started getting migraines. What started out as a low-grade migraine 15 days out of the month has turned into "Chronic Daily Migraine," in which every day I cope with pain that ranges from feeling like someone is attempting to use a bottle opener to pry off my cheekbone, to a thunderbolt-type pain that blasts along my forehead and makes moving my eyes agonizing.

Cary had a nice response, and as a migraine sufferer he at least knows what he's talking about. He referred the letter-writer to http://www.thedailyheadache.com among other things. It's good to see that I'm not alone. Coincidentally, I have a bad migraine that started last night, so it was a great time to see this column. I hadn't checked out Salon in awhile, so I can't help but feel like I was meant to see it.

Of course the letters in response have lots of ideas for treatments that worked for the letter-writers, so I'm learning about some things I haven't tried yet.

Dave and I were channel surfing last night. We caught a few minutes of Dr. Phil and frankly, stared in horrified fascination. There was a mom and son who were trying to solve some problems in their relationship under the dubious guidance of Dr. Phil. He asked them each to apologize to the other on camera. After the mom's apology, the son launches into his, and among other things he apologizes for "causing your depression." I fully expected Dr. Phil to jump in and tell the boy that he couldn't be the cause of his mother's depression and explain that depression doesn't work like that. But no, didn't happen, Dr. Phil didn't say a word. So this boy will go on feeling responsible for his mother's depression and probably every other emotional state she experiences.

Will someone please stop this hack from practicing medicine on TV? One would think after his behavior with Britney Spears and breach of confidentiality he would lose his show.

I followed the link provided by xtremeroswellia (thanks! I think...) to this story about a teenage girl named Megan Meier dealing with ADD, depression, and weight issues who was driven over the edge and committed suicide after being manipulated via a fake Myspace account and taunted, mocked and ridiculed one day. You will be utterly shocked by who was posing as a cute boy named Josh to win over Megan's friendship and gain her confidence.

This article touches upon so many important issues--body image, verbal abuse, the vulnerabilities of children with ADD as well as depression and weight issues, the failure of our laws to keep up with new technologies, and the difficulties parents face even when they try hard to be very watchful and involved with their children's online lives.

I often tell members of my forum that words really can hurt--this is even more true when dealing with teenagers who are impulsive even when ADD is not added to the mix.

I'd just like to point out that the vast majority of depressed or otherwise mentally ill people don't engage in mass murder. We are far more likely to turn our feelings inward on ourselves. Also, most of us have the sense to get help or accept it when offered. Apparently students and faculty reached out to the Virginia Tech killer and he refused to respond to their overtures. He made a conscious choice to remain isolated and shut down even after being asked to join others on regular social outings and having a teacher take a personal interest in his well being. I don't know what happened in his life to shut him down--but he chose to remain that way.

I wouldn't like to see either depressed people or South Koreans stereotyped as a result of this tragic event.

Today I finally organized a list of books I frequently recommend or have loaned to others over the years--not my fiction books, though there are a few fiction titles. No, these were mostly the books I have found helpful over the years. They took up several posts on my forum, so do scroll down to see them all. For those of you who have my email, I have them in a Word doc that is easier to read. I can send it to you.

Check it out.

And by all means, add some of your own favorites in comments!

Here's another great entry from marcy_italiano about body image. Don't miss it!

I called back my HMO today to find out if I was authorized and found out that the process had been misrepresented to me. I was supposed to contact a therapist first (only calling them for referrals if needed) and make an appointment, then get the authorization. And I had thought it strange that their representative didn't ask mental health screening questions to find out if it was an emergency. Well he was supposed to. Today the guy I spoke with did and then had me talk to a counselor who did a lethality assessment. (Something I'm familiar with after my time on the suicide crisis line.) So what was up with the other guy? I feel bad that I didn't get a name because someone needs to talk to him! What if someone didn't get that assessment and then killed themselves?

So tomorrow I can finally call the therapist and see if I can make an appointment. I've only been waiting over a month to get this insurance and get the ball rolling. Somehow I've been hanging on, getting more and more depressed as I waited. Our lovely health care system at work. If only it didn't snow in Canada, I'd move there.

Every year I get depressed when it's dark, cloudy, and the days are short. Every winter I become lethargic and sluggish, retreating into fantasy, books, and tv to try to wait it out. Every year I beat myself up for being lazy.

Then the sun comes out and I have energy again and start getting things done.

Obviously it's not laziness. It's depression.

Why can't I remember this and stop beating myself up?

Oh yeah, beating yourself up is also a symptom of depression.

I need to post this in my home so I see it every day.