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17 June 2012 @ 10:46 am
I'm Done  
If you're going to refer to things I've said on FB over here, at least quote me or characterize what I said accurately.



http://www.postsecret.com/2012/06/fathers-day-secrets.html
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litlebananalitlebanana on June 17th, 2012 06:00 pm (UTC)
I didn't understand your comment, but that postsecret spoke to me too when I saw it.
Tapatitapati on June 18th, 2012 07:06 am (UTC)

Someone who is also a single parent objected when I posted a link to an article about the impact of fathers on daughters' future relationships. I guess she was feeling defensive over her own daughters' future and wanted to say that a good mother can make up for being abandoned etc. During the course of her debate with me she suggested my own difficulty with relationships (which I cited as an example) had to do with my mother not doing a sufficient job. She then paraphrased me over here on her LJ as saying that kids raised by single parents are damaged and inferior and called me sexist. I did also say that absent mothers are MORE damaging and that any parent (glbt etc) who is missing in your life inflicts damage. I mainly posted the thing to impress upon men that even if a relationship with the mother ends, you MUST do your part to be there for your kids.

It's not like you can't address this in therapy, as I did, but my father's absence still hurts and it took me awhile to stop letting fear of abandonment creep into my romantic relationships.

It was the second time something I said on fb was distorted on LJ and I've had enough. :)
Tapatitapati on June 18th, 2012 07:12 am (UTC)
Though I would add that intentional single parenthood, such as with a sperm donor, wouldn't come with a personal sense of rejection and abandonment by the other parent. I'd still think it important to provide experiences with adults of the opposite gender for some balance. I don't think men and women are identical, just not as dramatically different as society portrays us.
Mari Adkinsmariadkins on June 18th, 2012 02:15 pm (UTC)
mari concurs with all you said here.
Tapatitapati on June 19th, 2012 10:21 am (UTC)

Thank you!

I couldn't even believe I had to debate the notion that if one parent abandons you, the other parent can't automatically make you feel great about that just by being loving. You will still always wonder why that OTHER parent couldn't love you.
Mari Adkinsmariadkins on June 19th, 2012 02:58 pm (UTC)
exactly
Mari Adkinsmariadkins on June 18th, 2012 02:39 pm (UTC)
here. give her this. because sark is the bomb.


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batchfilebatchfile on July 8th, 2012 06:01 am (UTC)
i was most definitely NOT quoting you at all or even referencing specifically anything you had said. i was generalizing over every single bit of sexist fluff everyone was copying everywhere, and not just from facebook.

if you choose to believe that it was directed at you, that is obviously your choice, however that is just not true.

it felt like an utter onslaught of sexist father stereotyping everywhere i went. and in all fairness i get just as disgusted at the sexist mother stereotyping that occurs on mother's day. the gender binary thing is an alienating concept to those who will never fit in. i wish people could just understand that.