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14 February 2012 @ 04:01 pm
What Do We Want From Chris Brown?  
Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence

This is a response to commenters who asked what we want from Chris Brown. "I just don't understand what people want from Chris Brown. Sometimes I think people themselves don't know either." --LPScott

What do we want? I do know. And I apply this to all male celebrities who are known to have committed acts of abuse.

I want for him not to trivialize it so much that his young female fans think it is cool to say they'd like for him to hit them. I'd love for him to speak out to them and let them know that it is not ok and sends a bad message to young men who may know them. He should affirm their worth and urge them to respect themselves.

I want for him to realize that yes, this was a very serious act and while he can learn from it he can't erase it or take it back. It will come up and every time it does, instead of treating it as an affront of some kind he can treat it as an educational opportunity to reach out to other young men from violent homes and urge them to get counseling if they don't feel like they are in control of their anger.

He can understand that it is triggering for women who have been battered to see him honored so soon at this particular award show which was tied so closely with his abusive behavior. In fact, he can educate himself about what triggering even means (as in triggering flashbacks). He can learn that battered women often do have flashbacks even years after a violent beating. Thus we have a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to abusers wanting to just be over it and move on a few short years later. While I have moved on to the extent that I can from my abusive marriage--it has been many years now--I STILL have flashbacks and maybe I always will. How nice that my abuser doesn't have them. /sarcasm Seriously if someone yells around me, not even AT me, I freeze and my heart pounds. My body believes I am in danger and reacts accordingly. If I have something against my neck I have flashbacks of being choked. (The accounts of Brown choking Rihanna were horribly triggering for me.) I had neck surgery and had an awful time at first wearing the required collar. So yeah, it brings up a lot of stuff for battered women when he is just so over it and moving on. Must be nice.

I think not wanting it mentioned is a symptom of growing up in an abusive environment, where you don't talk about it to outsiders. Silence doesn't serve his fans very well if they have trivialized it to the point of wanting to be hit and beat by him.

If I were Chris Brown, I might take the opportunity to reassure the public that yes I STILL take this issue very seriously and am actively working, in the present and on a continuing basis, to insure that I never hurt anyone like this again and urge any fans who need it to also get help and provide help line numbers. I would periodically, without prompting, repeat such numbers and the message that there is no excuse for violence in the home or in a dating relationship.

Like the bumper sticker says: Real Men Don't Use Violence.

I wish him well with his continued recovery and will continue to speak out when it appears that he is trying to trivialize his behavior in any way or when others do.
 
 
 
W. Lotuswlotus on February 15th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC)
Very well put. I completely agree.
Tapatitapati on February 16th, 2012 10:04 am (UTC)
Thanks!