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19 January 2007 @ 02:45 am
Gee Thanks, Grey's Anatomy  
Spoiler Alert!

Grey's Anatomy has been kicking my ass with the father storylines. I thought it was bad enough last season when Meredith went to visit her absent father. This season they kicked it up a notch and she actually asked what I was unable to ask my own absent father: what is your side of the story? Didn't get much of an answer, at least for those of us who are consumed by wondering the same thing about our dads. And like George's dad, mine is dead and unable to answer anything. If there truly is an "other side" of this life and death divide, I'm going to track him down and make him answer that question to my complete satisfaction.

In both Meredith's and my case, the dads compounded their error of omission by raising other biological or step kids. Way to make us feel second rate.

To all the absent dads in the world: What the fuck is going through your heads? Do you have any idea how much pain you're causing? Can't you imagine what it feels like to feel unwanted by your own parent? What that does to your self esteem?

To those of you who have imperfect fathers whose faults you had to endure growing up--if it didn't rise to the level of abuse or molestation, consider at least that they cared enough to be there and try. Have you hugged your dad lately? Give him a hug for me!
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labrys6 on January 19th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
To call my father imperfect is...well, laughably inadequate. He was abusive, he terrorized us all, I starved, did without adequate clothing, shoes, medical care, etc, etc. He was probably bipolar, definitely an alcoholic.

And yet, in some ways, he was better than my mother. She was a destroyed thing, and rendered incapable of some forms of contact with me. She manipulated and head-gamed you to bits, I am sure she thought for all the right reasons---but they were not. At least with my father, he was always being pretty much real.

He is dead now, a suicide in 1997. My mother lives, she sends a Christmas card once a year, and now and then remembers my birthday. It makes me more grateful for my stepmom---a woman so affected by my father's power that it was THREE years after his death before she could emotionally overcome his prohibition on informing me of his death!
Tapatitapati on January 20th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
I knew as I wrote that there would be those readers who had abusive fathers, which is why I qualified my remarks. As I contemplate my absent father, I am always aware that it could have been much, much worse to have an abusive one. I am so sorry you had to endure both parents' abuse and inadequacies. You have certainly overcome a lot to be the powerful woman you have become.

I often hear people say, "Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children." And maybe that's true...but if they were actively prevented from doing so, many of us wouldn't exist. I opt for being alive, regardless of how difficult my childhood was.

Your stepmom must have gone through some crazy stuff to observe your dad's prohibition!