Today I have a guest blog up at No Longer Quivering, entitled "Connecting The Dots: Patriarchy Across Cultures. It talks about the connections between the fundamentalist, restrictive religious groups of different cultures, be they Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or others. I have been struck lately by the similarities in how women are treated and regarded in these disparate cultures. It seems like the one unifying theme is that women should be controlled and covered up and that men should rule their homes and the world. Period.

It amazes me now that I once bought into that notion for a second. I had misgivings the first time I read about women not being seen as intelligent as men are and how we should always be under the guidance of a man. There was a lot of soothing rhetoric about how we are "not our bodies" but "on the material platform we must discriminate." I liked many other things about temple life and the philosophy so I let myself be lulled into going along on that one unpalatable point. It was easy once I left to recover my feminist roots. I am so glad I did. It was like waking up from a dream.

Don't get me wrong, there were positive things from my experience in the Hare Krishna movement as well. And I am not saying the whole religion is just a cult. I would say that the Western version of it ended up being cult-like because of the way the head of it felt he had to train (indoctrinate) what he saw as godless Westerners. In its native setting, Gaudiya Vaishnavism is gradually adjusting to modern times like other religions, and not all of its followers are fanatical. Some practice it in a healthier manner that doesn't restrict their lives.

There will be future posts where I delve more into my own experience. I am working on a memoir, and while the Hare Krishna years aren't the sole focus (but rather, a chapter of it) I do cover some of that time in a rough draft here.

Two interesting articles about class divides online, one a transcription of a speech The Not-So-Hidden Politics of Class and, with heavy irony, Facebook: Stuff White People Like.

Of course LJ gets a mention in comments on Feministing's article about the speech-- The Online Class Divide--here's the excerpt:

ElleStar said:

I wonder where LiveJournal falls on the Facebook-MySpace continuum.

Maybe we're the kids in the back of the class playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Ravencomeslaughing replied to ElleStar :

LOL! I'm curious too, as I'm on both LJ and FB. I had a MySpace page for a short while, but left because of the reasons others state. Mainly, the annoying messages from total strangers and the browser-crashing pages with annoyingly loud music. I don't even go to the MS pages of people I know due to that music feature.
I'm not sure LJ can really compare, though, as social networks aren't necessarily fulfilling the same function as a journal. And now that LJ's development team is based in Russia, I have noticed being "friended" there by a few more spambots than usual. Fortunately, you can report them to get them shut down.
I didn't get on Facebook for the being in college thing, I actually use it to keep in touch with old friends from college and high school. (I'm almost 40) But I find the little quizzes entertaining. That's the lovely thing about this being a free country with free Internet access at the library: You don't have to visit a site you don't like.

Meep replied to ElleStar :

I was just about to say the same thing: what about LiveJournal? Or Dreamwidth?

Facebook and MySpace are both for socializing online with people you know offline (who tend to be the same race as you), whereas LJ is a free-for-all with online and offline friend alike, and there's usually no photo of the user (other'n the userpic, which isn't usually of the account holder).
------

There were also a lot of comments about Myspace's garish interfaces. I think Myspace would benefit from emulating LiveJournal in one thing: make it so that you can read your friend's updates, blogs, etc., in your own page design. Thus the young people can have the white-on-black pages that are hard for us older folks to read, but we can read them in our own mellow color scheme. :)

Also please for the love of Goddess stop the automatic music.

I maintain my Myspace just because people I know are there, but having found LJ first, I prefer it immensely. FB I joined because lots of people I knew were joining and the use of real names meant I could find people I hadn't seen in years. Disclaimer: most of the people I knew on FB already were college-educated and many are middle class. But then, I got online originally because I had access at UCSC before the internet was available to all comers, back in the early 90s. So many of my early online associates were middle class college students, some of whom have migrated to LJ or FB after our Unix-based boards got replaced by the world wide web, blogs, forums, and social networking sites. Back in the day, AOL was "the ghetto."

So the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I want to wish Happy Birthday to litlebanana and also Happy Graduation! Good luck with your move and getting settled in your new home. And thank you once again for the incredible collection of baby clothes for my little Zaman.

Bright Blessings!

CNN had an article today entitled Africa's Hidden Famine. This story got me because I am horrified by the idea that children anywhere might lack access to books!

If you have books that fit their criteria, you can mail books to the warehouse at Books For Africa, a nonprofit that helps fill the desperate need for text books and recreational reading in Africa.

Info from the site:

Please send all book donations to the BFA warehouse:

Books For Africa Warehouse-Atlanta
2971 Olympic Industrial Drive SE, Suite C
Smyrna, GA 30080 USA

Books For Africa accepts:

* 10 years old or newer popular fiction and nonfiction reading books (soft and hard cover).
* 10 years old or newer primary, secondary, and college textbooks (soft and hard cover).
* 1995 or newer reference books such as encyclopedias and dictionaries.
* 10 years old or newer medical, nursing, IT, and law books.
* Bibles are sent when requested by African recipients.
* School/office supplies—paper, pencils, pens, wall charts, maps, etc.

Acceptable books are gently used and relevant to an African reader.
Books For Africa does NOT accept:

* Magazines or journals or any kind.
* Home decorating, wedding, or cookbooks.
* Ethnocentric books, such as the biography of Abraham Lincoln or the history of Ohio.
* Foreign language books except for French books. French novels and dictionaries are welcome.
* American history or civics.
* Music books for K–12.

Currently, it costs 50 cents to ship each book to Africa. Please consider making a financial donation to cover the costs of shipping the books you donate. Please send financial donations separately in an envelope to the BFA office: Books For Africa, 253 East 4th Street, Suite 200, St. Paul, MN 55101, USA. Or make a donation online.

Dave and I watched Surfwise last night...wow, just wow. Lots of food for thought. Amazing family despite the lifestyle. Good discussion of how difficult re-entry into society was.

Some of the boys were quite musically talented and have recording careers. I'll have to look up their music now.

Most of the kids lamented their lack of education. No real attempt was even made to home school, which would have enabled them to go to college if done well. Since "Doc" made so much of being a Stanford graduate, he was qualified to teach if he had chosen to. I guess that would have cut into his surfing time and his view of himself as being like the animals. (rolls eyes) I saw many parallels to my first husband in this film. The back to nature bit, the fanatical food bit, the avoidance of conventional medicine (unless severe injury happens), the rigidity of thinking and the need to be in control were all there. Occasionally he had a valid point to make in the film--but the implementation of his ideas left much to be desired.

My one quibble with the film was that some issues could have been explored in more depth and some questions I would have asked were not asked. Although Juliette, the mom, says briefly that she was pregnant and nursing for ten years and has mostly blocked that out, I would have liked to have drawn her out more about what HER typical days were like. Also, how DID they feed the family before they got the idea later for their surfing camps? How did they come up with gas money? They were surfing all day every day, where did it come from? Although "Doc" or Dorian talks obliquely about his violence (you have to master yourself before you try to master your children or some such quote), I'd like to explore where it came from and how he thinks about it today. Also, if he's so devoted to the lifestyle and being animal-like, why is he now living in a condo in Hawaii rather than in a camper? If it was good enough for his children and wife, it should still be good enough for him.

The daughter, Navah, is truly awesome. "I'm not one of the brothers. I don't have a penis." LOL

I was left thinking, anyone can drop out of society. It takes more guts to stay in and try to change it.

Mom recalls death of baby she left in car.

Nationwide, about thirty six children a year die when they are left in a car and their bodies are overheated as a result. In some of these cases, the switch to a rear-facing infant seat in the back seat of the car makes it all too easy for tired, over-stressed parents to forget the child is with them that day, waiting to be dropped off at day care. Several weeks ago I left my purse in the car overnight, something I had never done before. Considering my concerns about identity theft that was a stupid thing to do. I can imagine myself doing the unthinkable and forgetting to drop a baby at daycare if it wasn't normally my day, if my routine was disrupted in some way, or if I had a migraine that kept me totally distracted.

There is talk about a technological fix, but in the meantime here are official tips from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

Safety tips from NHTSA to prevent hyperthermia include:

• Never leave a child unattended in a vehicle.

• Do not let your children play in an unattended vehicle. Teach them that a vehicle is not a play area.

• Never leave infants or children in a parked vehicle, even if the windows are partially open or with the engine running and the air conditioning on.

• Make a habit of looking in the vehicle - front and back - before locking the door and walking away.

• If you are bringing your child to daycare, and normally it's your spouse or partner who brings them, have your spouse or partner call you to make sure everything went according to plan.

• Ask your childcare provider to call you if your child does not show up for childcare. Do things to remind yourself that a child is in the vehicle, such as:
-- Writing yourself a note and putting the note where you will see it when you leave the vehicle;
-- Placing your purse, briefcase or something else you need in the back seat so that you will have to check the back seat when you leave the vehicle; or
-- Keeping an object in the car seat, such as a stuffed toy. When the child is buckled in, place the object where the driver will notice it when he or she is leaving the vehicle.

• Always lock vehicle doors and trunks and keep keys out of children's reach. If a child is missing, check the vehicle first, including the trunk.

• If you see a child alone in a hot vehicle, call the police. If they are in distress due to heat, get them out as quickly as possible. Warning signs may include: red, hot, and moist or dry skin, no sweating, a strong rapid pulse or a slow weak pulse, nausea or acting strangely. Cool the child rapidly. Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.

---------

You can also leave a voice mail for yourself at work as a reminder.

Perhaps we should all glance at cars and if there's an infant seat in the back, look inside. Getting help in time could save a child's life.

Interesting history of the 7 most impressive libraries throughout history. Also highlights the role of literacy through the ages.

In response to the letter to Cary Tennis in Salon, entitled My mother is crazy -- what can I do? I posted the following at Salon:

The Personal is Political

This situation highlights some societal issues that I feel obligated to point out. Other letter writers have addressed many of the practical issues already.

As Salon articles have previously made clear, our society has chosen to err on the side of freedom and independence and make it very hard to get psychiatric help for even obviously, severely mentally ill people. This was a reaction to previous laws that were too lax and enabled abuse by families and professionals. Currently, family members living with a severely mentally ill person can be in real danger but unless they can present proof to a court they may very well not be able to do anything about it.

Our laws need an overhaul. At the very least, someone who has demonstrated obvious symptoms of being out of touch with reality ought to be hospitalized until they are lucid, no longer paranoid, and can make informed decisions about further care. A court review after 30 days (or suitable time) can insure that they are not being railroaded or abused, with follow up monitoring if they are not yet stable. Anyone who cares about this issue can and should write to their representatives at state and federal levels.

I understand that many if not all psych meds have debilitating side effects. (Who wants to drool? Anyone?) We desperately need better meds and/or treatments. I hope in time we will.

Mentally ill parents, especially primary caregivers who are usually mothers, have little or no support if they become unable to provide adequate care for their children. There is also deep shame for them if they admit this! Again, we have failed as a society to address this issue.

My heart goes out to the letter writer and her siblings. I lived with a deeply depressed and suicidal single mom from age 13 to age 16, when I fled home to join the Hare Krishna movement. Locally no foster homes were available for me, only an institution known as the "county home" which was kind of like being sent to juvie without having committed any crime. The temple was a far better option. My extended family actually told me, at age 13, that I should take care of my mother and that if I asked to be placed outside the home I would be responsible if she committed suicide!

It should also be easier for teens with mentally ill or unsuitable parents to be emancipated. Often that is one of the best options for them.

Sometimes, all that may be needed is extra help at home by a team of professionals, including a social worker, housekeeper, or others. That could be more cost effective for counties than providing foster care and might help keep semi-functional families together.

I agree with those who say check in with the brother before taking any action and see what he feels is best for him. Sometimes social service interventions aren't all that much better and could leave him cut off from his social support system. I wouldn't have gotten through my teen years without my friends!

To sjohntucson: please don't beat yourself up. No one issues a guide book for dealing with a crazy parent! The professionals were the ones responsible for over-medicating your mother, if indeed that was the problem. (The deterioration could have been organic in nature and no one's fault.) We are taught to respect doctors' authority. This is yet another problem in our society. We need to start viewing doctors and other health professionals as consultants and question their advice rather than just passively take it in. Please have some compassion for yourself, having been put in such a painfully difficult situation. You may still find healing from this painful past.

In solidarity with all the other children of mentally ill parents (Hi Allie!) (And hey, if the ACAs have books and groups, where's ours?)

Beloved and influential fantasy author David Eddings, who in tandem with his late wife Leigh managed to garner both commercial and critical success with several series of best-selling novels, has passed away at the age of 77.

Another obit here,and another

I read his books several times, got young readers hooked on them too, and on at least one occasion, his humor got me through a serious depression. I hope he continues to write on the other side.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Eddings

I lust after books and good bookshelves like other people lust after clothes or shoes or cars and the like. So check this out!

15 Coolest Bookshelves.

Drool...

And now, for a current sexist ad...

Seriously?

You can see photos from my trip here. I wish I'd taken a picture of the incredible spread of food for my daughter's birthday, which was on Mother's Day. But I didn't have my camera unpacked at that point since I was so busy cooking.

I haven't captioned them yet but the only people in them are my daughter Ramya, my oldest grandson Jonathan, my youngest grandson Valente, myself, and the new baby girl, Zaman Athena.

I was recently reminded of this book (by the Grey's Anatomy episode I previously mentioned) and submitted the following review at Amazon:

I first read The Boy Who Could Make Himself Disappear when I was a teenager living with a single mother who was experiencing a deep depressive episode. While she was not deliberately cruel or as self-absorbed as the character, Roger's, mother, she wasn't emotionally available. Reading this book (over and over) was strangely healing and empowering for me. It validated my sense of my reality, rather than the view my family was trying to foist off on me--the view that I was responsible for my mother rather than the other way around.

This book enabled me to see that my life was not normal and that I deserved better. Kin Platt nurtured my instinct for self preservation and kept hope alive in me. The many caring people in Roger's life who intervened on his behalf or showed him love let me know that there were good and decent people in the world. I was shown another model of how to be that counteracted the influence of my dysfunctional extended family. I also saw that one could extract one's self from such a family with no need for guilt.

To say this book shouldn't be read by those under 17, as an earlier review indicated, is to say that I shouldn't have had access to this book when I needed it most. I think it should definitely be available to every abused or neglected teenager and is a must-read for anyone wanting to expand their capacity for compassion and love. It's a classic!

--------------

Note: I wasn't the only reviewer to indicate that this book helped them survive abuse. Another reviewer was inspired to go into the field of speech therapy by the compassionate speech therapist in the book, too. Isn't it amazing the impact books can have on our lives?

To learn more about the book (other reviews discussed the plot in more depth), you can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Could-Make-Himself-Disappear/dp/044090837X

I was crying last night, believe it or not, from a show. I've been watching Grey's Anatomy since first season and identifying so much with Meredith Gray's childhood. Last night she kind of got hammered because first her dad tried to apologize and make amends as part of his new found sobriety (he dived into the bottle after his wife died), then she encountered a little girl who shot her dad because he was abusing her and her mom--so Meredith stood up for her to her mom. Then she got into it with the chief of surgery because she did so and he later apologized to her for not intervening when she was a child. He'd had an affair with her mother and when he broke it off, her mother couldn't deal with it. She threw herself into her work as a surgeon and neglected her husband and child. Meredith's dad left and she was alone with a neglectful and emotionally abusive mom who later tried to kill herself in front of Meredith. The chief had tried to tell himself all these years that it wasn't his fault or responsibility. But he had to face the fact that he saw the neglect and did or said nothing.

So he delivered a long and heartfelt apology and I just burst into tears. Suddenly I was that little girl who no one intervened for. I was the battered wife who no one called the police for.

All my life I have been driven to intervene for women and children. I don't want to leave anyone feeling like no one ever cared about their suffering like that. I testified against my own half brother for his abuse and neglect of his kids.

If more people stood up for kids, maybe we wouldn't have so many violent criminals, drug addicts and other emotionally damaged people.

A couple of months ago a friend wrote me a heart-felt letter where she poured out her fears for her husband, who was facing a serious health problem, and asked me what I thought about faith. She wondered what was supposed to be the good of faith in God if bad things happened anyway. What was its purpose? How could she have faith if God allowed such bad things to happen to people? What good does prayer do? What role does Satan play in all of this?

These are all questions that sooner or later, no matter what our religious orientation (unless we have none), occur to us. The fact that there are no certain answers that we can prove with scientific accuracy, no God we can see under our microscope or discern with our telescope, no blazing letters in the sky letting us know that these words were not just written down by men with an agenda, but sent by God, all of this leads us to question the truth and value of our beliefs in times of trouble. Sometimes the answers of our particular tradition don't seem sufficient in the face of our uncertainty and pain.

Knowing that we come from different religious orientations (she was raised a Catholic and I joined her church for a time and was re-baptized and confirmed, with her mother becoming my godmother), I chose my words carefully. She acknowledged that I probably wasn't a Christian when she asked, so I knew she didn't expect me to answer only with her religion in mind.

Dear _____,

In your letter you asked a lot of weighty questions that I wanted to think about carefully before I answered.

First you mention faith in God and more or less ask" What is the good of it? Faith that He'll do what? What about suffering?"

These are of course timeless questions everyone asks when they are suffering or worried about the death of a loved one. If I had some sort of absolute proof of the right answer I could make a fortune!

These are some of the questions I was asking as a teenager trying to understand why all my praying, church-going, rosary-chanting and faith wasn't stopping my world from falling apart.

Over the years I have read many books, attended many classes, meditated for many hours, and followed more than a few who claimed to know the Truth with a capital T. :)

I have concluded that while mystics all over the world have received glimpses of the Divine, they then are left with their puny brain and mundane words to try to describe what is bigger than we are able to comprehend (at least until we are no longer bound by that puny brain).

Worse still, the rulemakers come along and read or hear the mystic's experience and start trying to quantify it.

Dramatization:...So you had fasted for 40 days from eating meat. OK, let's write that down. Where were you sitting when this happened? In an olive grove on Mount Vision. OK, olive groves must be sacred and if we can't pray ON Mt. Vision, we should face it and visualize it when we pray. Now, are you married? No? Well obviously one who wants to realize the Truth must avoid the company of women. [note: Mystic is too embarrassed to admit getting laid an hour before vision.]
( Read more... )

Couching With SARK!

Anyone who has read SARK's books or seen one of her cards or posters knows that she is a veritable fountain of inspiration and creativity. What if you could harness that power in your own life? Well, now you can! SARK is offering coaching and mentoring via phone, or "couching" as she calls it. The link, above, goes to a page that tells you all you need to know to bring SARK's wisdom and inspiration home. If you are working on a creative project and would like advice, struggling with how to implement an idea for a business, or have a personal issue that's troubling you, SARK either has ideas or can point you to the resources you need. (SARK gives referrals to licensed therapists whenever appropriate for deeper issues that require their professional assistance.)

I also recommend SARK's Journal.

My soon-to-be-eight year old grandson Jonathan sent me the following:

Poem
You are like a flower in the sunshine
You look like a rose in a garden
You smell like a spring flower in spring
You twinkle like a diamond

Love, Jon

That just melts my heart!

Over the weekend my father in law, Mike, had breathing problems and was taken to the hospital. He has blood clots in one of his lungs and they are giving him blood thinning medication and doing tests. We are still waiting on the results. Mike has been struggling with depression for the last few years as well.

Prayers/good thoughts/etc. deeply appreciated!